Us, Bros!
by Cami Boricua
Summary: A series of plot bunnies with my favourite pair of twins, Alfred and Matthew. I take requests. Hetalia is not mine.
1. We're even

**I decided to worked on some oneshots with my favourite pair of twins, America and Canada (twins to me). They're going to have every time of Category.**

* * *

When Alfred woke, he certainly did not expect there was going to be someone next to him. Especially for that other person to be naked. And someone familiar to him. "Oh shit…" Alfred whispered, "I'm so dead."

* * *

"Matt, I have something to tell you," Alfred told his twin, Matthew. "Sure, what is it?" Matthew said and to a sip of his soda. "Well, I don't know how to put this," Alfred gulped. Matthew raised a brow. "I guess I'll just go straight to the point," Alfred sighed.

"Well you know that time we went to Gil's party. I might've had a little too much to drink and well… When I woke up, I found out I slept with your girlfriend. I really didn't mean it, bro. It just happened. I just want you to know that I don't like her that way. It was all just an accident. Oh God, this sounded better in my head. Point is, I'm really sorry I slept with her! You gotta understand that I'm sorry… A-Are we still fr-friends?"

Matthew took another sip of his soda. He passed the time absorbing the information. He finally answered, "No."

Alfred sighed, "I guess we just became enemies then."

Matthew shook his head, "Nope."

Alfred looked at Matthew confused, "Then what are we?!"

Matthew took a long time. He took another sip. Then he answered, "Even."

Alfred sighed in relief, "Oh, thank goodness."

Then, it hit him. "Wait, WHAT?!"

* * *

**I'm going to leave the pairings to you people. **


	2. I pretended to be you

**I pretended to be you.**

**Summary: Sometimes, being confused with Alfred can be awesome for Matthew.**

* * *

Alfred was getting impatient. His papa was supposed to call him for dinner soon. He had already called Matthew. Soon, Papa would call him. (Papa would never call the boys at the same time, because if he did, food fights would start.) It's been an hour already. Matthew doesn't take this much time eating.

The young preteen decided to go to the kitchen and check what was happening. Before he entered the kitchen, Matthew came out of the kitchen door, "Boy, I'm full." "Finally you come out!?" Alfred pouted, "I'm starving, can't wait to get food in my stomach." Matthew laughed sheepishly, "About that, he he…" Alfred looked at Matthew, "Huh?" Matthew sighed, "Yeah, there's no more food for you, Alfred." Alfred's eyes went wide, "What?!"

Matthew scratched the back of his head, "Well, I was done eating, so Papa told me to go and tell you your food is ready. When I was going up the stairs, I found out I forgot Kuma in the kitchen, so I went to look for him. Papa thought I was you, so he told me to sit down, and gave me your food. I was still a little hungry, so I kind of… ate… your… food…"

Alfred was speechless. "You ate my food!" He yelled. "I was hungry!" Matthew yelled back. "But now I'm hungry!" Alfred whined. "Deal with it!" Matthew yelled.

"What is going on in here?" Their papa, Francis, came out of the kitchen. "Matthew ate my food." Alfred pointed at Matthew. "What, but I thought I-" "Matthew pretended to be me," Alfred crossed his arms. "Mathieu! I'm disappointed in you," Francis frowned. "I'm sorry," Matthew whispered as he looked to the ground. "Now, do you have anything to say to your brother?" Francis asked.

Matthew faced his brother, but instead of showing regret, or any emotion related to that, Matthew smirked, "You have no idea what you missed, Alfred."


	3. Grassy Ass!

**Grassy Ass!**

**Summary: It's probably better to not ask how to say thank you in Spanish.**

_**Italics are text messages.**_

* * *

"We have almost everything for the party, right?" America asked. "Oui, we just need the food." Canada answered as he checked things off a list. America started to think. "I'm for Hispanic, you?" America looked at Canada. Canada gave him an overly exaggerated gasp, "No hamburgers, pizza, or corndogs? What's happening to you, Alfred?" America glared at him, "I don't eat that _ALL_ the time." Then, he whispered, "And I'm pretty sure Hispanics cook that, too." Canada sighed, "Anyway, who do you want to cook the food, eh? Mexico?" America hummed, "As good as some Mexican tacos sound, something tells me Mexico will deny cooking for me." Canada nodded, "Yeah, I don't think he wants to cook for _Gringo Feo._" America smiled, "That's my nickname!" Canada rolled his eyes, "I really don't know what that means, but I'm pretty sure it's not nice." "Whatever, have your doubts," America answered back.

"Whatever… Now, if not Mexico, then who?" Canada asked. America started to think, "I think it's better if Puerto Rico makes the food." Canada looked confused, "Why?" America grinned, "'Cause she has to do everything I say." Canada sighed, "Fine, tell her."

America took out his phone, but he didn't feel like talking to his commonwealth. He decide he would just text her.

_"Hey, Mary!"_

A few minutes later…

_"Alfred... It's Maria. And what do you want?"_

_"Why would you think I want something?"_

_"Because you don't really talk to me."_

_"Fine… You know that party I'm hosting?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I want you to use your little Hispanic charm on the food."_

_"You basically want me to cook."_

_"Yep. :) "_

_"Gringo estúpido." _

_"I'm taking that as a yes."_

_"I'll take the next plane to your house."_

America smiled. "Hey Matt, I forgot. How do you say thank you in Spanish?" He asked happily. "Isn't it _gracias?" _Canada said to him. "I don't know Spanish, Al, but I think it is _gracias." _Canada nodded. America was confused, "You sure?" Canada nodded again. "Okay," America sighed.

_"GRASSY ASS!"_

_"Wha… What the hell?"_

America looked at the text message, "Matt, I think you told me the wrong thing." Canada looked at him, "I think not." "Well look," America showed him the text message. Canada looked at it for a second, before he started laughing. "Grassy ass? I said _gracias. G-r-a-c or s-i-a-s." _America blushed, "Oops…" Canada continued to laugh, "This will be a great story to tell at the next family reunion!" America pouted, "Shut up."

_"Sorry, I meant to say thank you in Spanish."_

_"That's gracias."_

_"I know, now."_

_"You should tell this story at your next family reunion. :D "_

_"Shut it, Maria."_

Canada continued to laugh, "I wonder how England is going to react!" America glared at Canada, "Shut your pie hole, Matthew!"

* * *

**I feel bad for calling America a gringo.**

**Gringo** **is a Spanish insult to a white person from an English speaking country.**

**Feo is ugly.**

**Estupido is stupid.**


	4. A Use Of Chocolate Syrup And Balloons

**Good Use Of Chocolate Syrup And Balloons. **

**Summary: Alfred and Matthew make a good use of chocolate syrup and balloons. High school AU.**

* * *

"I'm so bored," Alfred whined as he lied in bed. "Well, let's go do something," Matthew said from the bed across the room. "But what?" Alfred looked at him. Matthew started to think. "Wait, doesn't Arthur have that debate today?" Matthew asked. "Please tell me you're not planning for us to go there." Alfred whined again. "No, but when is it?" Matthew looked at Alfred. "Today, at five," Alfred informed him. "He'll probably leave to the auditorium at four thirty, and the auditorium is twenty minutes away, so he wouldn't have time." Matthew mumbled. "Do we still have those water balloons we bought at the dollar store?" Matthew asked Alfred. "Yeah, why?" Alfred said uncaringly. "What about the three six packs of jumbo chocolate syrup?" Matthew smiled mischievously. "Yeah, what are you planning to do, Matt?" Alfred smirked. "You'll see," Matthew chuckled.

* * *

"… And now we wait," Matthew told Alfred when they were on the roof of the boy's dorms. Alfred smiled as he held a small balloon filled with chocolate syrup, "This is going to be epic." Alfred could barely contain his excitement. "What time is it?" Alfred asked Matthew as they looked down the roof. "Four twenty eight," Matthew replied happily. "Two more minutes," Alfred explained the obvious. The twin waited for those eternal two minutes to pass, and when they did…

The front doors of the boy's dorms opened up, and Arthur Kirkland –one of the richest boys in the school- walked out with his friend Kiku right behind him. "Come on, Alfred. You have the honours," Matthew whispered to Alfred, and Alfred let the first balloon drop. Then, Matthew's balloon dropped.

Alfred's balloon landed on Arthur's hair and popped. "What?! No!" Arthur yelled as the chocolate syrup covered his hair and half of his face and clothes. "What the he-" He was about to say when he got hit with another balloon on his shoulder.

"Hurry up, Al," Matthew smiled as he grabbed one of the ends of the bucket filled with chocolate syrup and chocolate syrup filled balloons. Alfred grabbed the other end and together they let all that was inside of the bucket fall. "Come on, let's go downstairs," Alfred grabbed Matthew's hand and they started running downstairs.

When Arthur thought it couldn't get any worst, he looked up and saw the unexpected. He only had enough time to close his eyes as balloons and chocolate syrup smothered him. "Arthur-san?" Kiku said. Only a few specks of chocolate syrup hit him. "What in heaven's name?" Arthur asked/yelled. The front doors opened once again and the laughing voices of two obnoxious and mischievous twins came out. "Hey, Arthur," Alfred laughed uncontrollably. "I see you're bringing the chocolate to tonight's campout." Matthew laughed, and both twins started walking away.

"See you at the debate!"


	5. Ghosts Of The Foster Home

**Ghosts Of The Foster Home**

**Summary: The twins are going to do something the haven't done in a while. It might just get them in big trouble**

**Monaco: Odette**

**Seychelles: Michelle**

**Kyle: Australia**

* * *

"Do you have everything?" Alfred whispered from the bed as Matthew walked to him. "Yep," Matthew set everything down. "Did she saw you?" Alfred whispered again. "If she did, do you really think I would have everything?" Matthew looked at him. "No," Alfred looked down. "Do you have the candles?" Matthew asked Alfred. "Yes!" Alfred said a little higher as he gave Matthew the battery candles. "Shut it! You don't want them to wake up," Matthew shushed Alfred. "Sorry," Alfred looked down. "I can't believe you agreed to this again," Alfred whispered. "Being the good child can get old sometimes," Matthew shrugged. Alfred chuckled.

"Put this on," Matthew gave Alfred a white toga. "Thanks," Alfred took the nightgown. "Matt?" Alfred looked at the toga. "Yeah?" Matthew separated all of the other things. "Don't you think it's kind of weird that Odette and us share the same size?" Matthew nodded, "Really weird." Alfred got off the bed and went to the other side of the room. He took his current close off and put the toga on. The gown was a little small on him. It left half of his forearms and half of his legs exposed. "Okay, so maybe not exactly the same size." Alfred said.

Matthew looked at himself in the toga. "Never thought I'd cross dress again," The twelve year old said quietly. "Come on, let's get this over with," Alfred walked to him. "Okay, okay, okay," Matthew repeated as he took the white powder out of a box. He spread the powder all over Alfred's face, neck, and forearms. "There, now you're whiter than usual." Matthew smiled. Alfred rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, give me that powder thingy." He took the powder and did the same thing Matthew did to him to Matthew. "Is there anything else in there?" Alfred said as he looked at the box. "It is a makeup bow. I'm pretty sure we could use something else," Matthew started searching around the box. "Look," He took the black eye shadow out. "A thingamabob!" Matthew exclaimed happily. Alfred shushed him. "What are we going to do with it?" Alfred asked. "Just put it around your eyes, I don't know," Matthew shrugged and continued looking around the box. Alfred did just what Matthew asked him to do. At the end, he looked like he had dark circles around his eyes. Then he gave the eye shadow back to Matthew, and Matthew did the same thing. "Anything else?" Alfred asked. "I'm looking for it," Matthew said as he continued to search around the box.

"There, I found it," Matthew said after a while and took out the marine blue lipstick. He gave it to Alfred. Alfred sighed, "The thing I hate the most about this." He put the lipstick on. Matthew then took the lipstick, "I know, but it does help with moisturizing your lips. Alfred crossed his arms, "I don't care about that." Matthew chuckled then put the lipstick on. "That it?" Alfred hoped. "I think so," Matthew put everything back to the box, but then he found something useful in their operation. "Look, it's blue powder," Matthew smiled. "And?" Alfred said. "It could help," Matthew said. "Just put it on your face, neck, and forearms." Alfred gave him a skeptical look then did as he was told. After that, Matthew did the same thing.

"I think we should stop watching those beauty shows with Odette," Alfred said. "I think so, too." Matthew smiled, put everything in the box and closed it. Then, he gave one small battery candle to Alfred and took one himself. "If we are going to hang out with one of the girls, let's go hang out with Michelle at the pond," Alfred said as they reached the door of their shared bedroom. "Agree," Matthew nodded.

They stepped out into the hallway and turn the candles on. "I'm so glad Arthur's a light sleeper," Matthew smiled. "This is going to make us get relocated again, isn't it?" Alfred asked. "Probably," Matthew nodded. "Let's go," Matthew started walking.

* * *

Arthur woke up when he heard a creaking sound. He decided to wake Francis up to help him check what was making the sound. He didn't want to wake the children up by turning on a light so he took a flashlight light with him.

"Why are we doing this again? I want to sleep," Francis said as he walked behind Arthur. "I told you I heard something and I want to check what it is," Arthur growled. "You are probably just hearing the creaking of the wood. It is a big old house after all," Francis said. "This house has never creaked before. I hope it's not a pesky little animal. I don't want them roaming around at this ungodly hour," Arthur turned to another hallway. "I'm sure it is nothing," Francis pouted. As the turned to another, they saw it…

Two little boys were standing there. Their skin was a blue-ish pale. They looked absolutely dead. Their light eyes would bore right into you. They didn't malice just… loneliness.

Arthur didn't give them a good look before he gave the most _girlish _(I'm sorry, _manliest) _scream ever. Francis, too, screamed, mumbling phrases only a francophone could understand. When they opened their eyes, the two boys were gone.

* * *

Alfred and Matthew ran. They were trying to contain their laughter until they reached a secure hall. Once there, they laughed, quietly, of course. "Did you see the look on Arthur's face?" Alfred asked. Matthew, unable to speak, nodded. "Oh my God, that was priceless." Alfred whipped tears out of his eyes before it could ruin the makeup.

Then the door they were in front of opened up. "What's going o-?" Michelle gasped when she saw the twins. "Wait, it's just-" The boys shushed Michelle. "Go back to your room and sleep," Matthew whispered. "We'll talk about it in the morning," Alfred winked. Michelle chuckled, "I'm sure Kyle would love to hear this story." Then, she closed the door. The twins looked at each other and started laughing again; a little bit louder this time. Then, they heard a voice say…

"It was just you two!"

The brothers looked at the source of the voice and saw Arthur standing there; looking absolutely mad. The boys gulped.

"Oh shoot!"

* * *

**Alfred, Matthew, Michelle, Odette, and Kyle are foster kids.**

**Sorry I haven't uploaded in two days. I have a life you know. (Not really, I spend the weekend playing Pokémon)**

**I might not upload in a while. I'm going to Puerto Rico tomorrow. **


	6. Bunnies!

**Bunnies!**

** Summary: America's army is finally ready.**

* * *

"The time has finally come. We trained long and hard for this. Now, we will get what we want. Now, we can attack. Trust me; those five minutes will pay off! England will be ours! Now who's with me!?"

No one in America's army answered.

"I'll take that as a yes!

Let's go!"

America lifted up his wooden staff and started running through the trees and bushes. He looked back to see his army and saw nothing was following him. He turned back around. "Come on, guys," The small boy said. Everyone stayed quiet. America sighed. He took out a carrot and some string out of his pockets. He wrapped one of the ends of the string to his staff and wrapped the other end to the carrot.

"I guess we'll have to do this differently," America said and held his staff up. All of his army started to jump as they tried to get the carrot. America started to walk through the shrubs and vegetation. His army was following him close behind. "That's right! We're going to do it!" America happily yelled. After a couple of minutes, America's house could be seen.

"Yes! We're here!"**  
**

* * *

"Then, the wizard and the prince-" England stopped telling his story when he heard a voice coming from outside. "What is that, Mr. Arthur?" Canada asked quietly. England smiled when he heard Canada. Canada was getting much better on his English, (Thanks to England, of course.) and it felt like an accomplishment to England when he spoke it. England still got a little irritated when Canada uses formal titles when he had told the boy he didn't have to use them. At least he had stopped calling him _England_.

"I don't know," England stood up from the floor and went to the front door. Canada was trailing behind him. England held Canada's hand and opened the door. He felt something hit him. England picked the thing from the ground. It was a stick and a carrot tied by a string.

"Attack!"

England saw a group of bunnies running towards him. They started jumping on him trying to get the carrot. England let go of Canada's hand; he also let go of the stick. The bunnies stopped attacking him and started to fight for the carrot. Canada had first hidden behind England, but when he found out it was just some bunnies, he laughed. "Bunnies? Why?" Canada asked as he petted one of them.

"Well, that didn't go according to plan."

England and Canada looked up and saw America with his arms crossed. "Hey, when did you get here?" America pointed at Canada. "He came after you left," England told him. "Why didn't you tell me?" America whined. England stayed quiet. "He came," He paused. "After you left," He continued. America looked at Canada. "Why bunnies?" Canada held a bunny up. America shrugged, "Easier to handle." England grabbed a bunny, "Why did you sent them to me?" America fist pumped, "Because that way you'll belong to me!" Canada shook his head, "Not good idea." England looked at him. "Not a good idea, Matthew." England corrected him. Canada just shrugged and until he was next to America.

America laughed, "He doesn't care." England sighed, "Just get rid of these bunnies." America put an arm around Canada, "Okay, I'll have Canada to help me." At that, Canada pushed him away and went to England. "Can you finish that story, Mr. Arthur?" Canada looked at England with puppy dog eyes. "Sure, I can," England smiled and went inside with Canada, leaving America to clean up the mess. "Aw," America whined and looked at the bunnies.

"No, Flopsy! Don't get on top of Miss Whiskers!"

* * *

**This was a request. Hope you like it.**


	7. Don't Let The Twins Wake You Up!

**Don't let the twins wake you up!**

**Summary: Alfred and Matthew have a question. "DAD!"**

* * *

"Dad!" The twins yelled repeatedly as they ran up the stairs to look for their dad in his study. They went down the hall and entered their father's study.

Arthur had fallen asleep working on some papers for work. The two boys slowly walked to his desk. "Aw, look how quiet and not evil looking he looks, Matt," Alfred said sweetly. "Yeah, it's hard to say he's even dad, eh?" Matthew smiled sweetly. Both stared at him for a while until Alfred said, "I'll get the water guns." Alfred started walking away. "I'll go get the ice cold water." Matthew then said and started to walk away.

Alfred went to the garage and started to look in the Things-the-twins-can't- have-at-the-same-time box. There he found the water guns. "Oh, she's still a beauty," He looked at the bigger of the two water guns. Then he went back upstairs.

Alfred found Matthew in the bathroom. He was holding a bucket with a quarter of ice and turning the cold water. "Found them," Alfred said happily as he entered the bathroom. "Where were they?" Matthew asked as he put the bucket under the running water. "Next to the bow and arrow and the silly string," Alfred sat next to Matthew. "In _The Box_?" Matthew pulled the bucket out of the water when it was full and turned the water off. "Where else?" Alfred said as he gave a gun to his brother. Matthew just shrugged.

"Should we really be doing this, Al?" Matthew asked suddenly. "Well, we can always wake him up the old fashion way. Hitting him with the heaviest books we can find." Alfred said and started filling up the gun. "Cold, cold, cold, Ai!" Alfred hissed. "Nah, I think it's too mean to hit him with our science books." Matthew said quietly. "We could always warn up his leftovers and let him smell it," Alfred shrugged and took the gun out of the water. Matthew hit him, "Now that's just cruel. Are you trying to kill the man?" Alfred just chuckled, "You can always help me." Matthew gave him a serious look. "I am not bailing you out of jail," Matthew said seriously. "Nah, I was thinking more like you dress up like me and take the blame for it, 'cause that's what bros do, right?" Alfred smiled and Matthew just looked at him. "Wow, Kiku got you deep into that _Vocaloid _thing, eh?" Matthew said and put his water gun in the bucket. "Naw-aw!" Alfred pouted. "And besides, I've only listened to that song." Alfred smiled. "And _Justice Breaker_, and _Stargazer_, and _Bad Apple_… _The World Is Mine_…" He then murmured, hoping Matthew didn't hear him. Sadly, Matthew did. When the gun was full, Matthew took it out of the water. After that, he put a hand on Alfred's shoulder, "Just stick with _My Little Pony_." The twin stood up. "That show is awesome, don't deny it." Alfred glared at Matthew. Matthew just rolled his eyes. "Let's go," Matthew started to walk out of the bathroom.

"How come you didn't react when your hands hit the cold water?" Alfred asked when they were in the hallway. "How come winter is my favourite season?" Matthew said back. Alfred nodded and gave a long, "Okay." After that little chat, they entered their father's study.

"He's still sleeps peacefully," Matthew got closer to the desk and aimed the gun. "Not for long," Alfred aimed his, too. "Hope those aren't important papers," Matthew said. "Ready and…" Alfred waited a moment. "DAD!" Both boys screamed and pulled the trigger of their water guns.

Arthur instantly woke up when the cold water hit his face. He screamed and murmured a bunch of cusses. "Why in heaven's name did you do that for? And why do you have those guns? I thought I confiscated them." Arthur scowled. "Sheez, you accidentally hit Grandma with hot maple syrup, ruining her favorite dress, which made her so mad she gave her ten million dollars inheritance to hobo, and you can't use a water gun? Seems a bit unfair to me, right Matt?" Alfred asked. "Anyways, we woke you up, because we had a math question, and we were too lazy to look for the calculator." Matthew smiled. "But you weren't too lazy to do what you just did?" Arthur asked tiredly. "This is actually fun, dude," Alfred said as a matter of fact. "What's the question?" Arthur sighed and hugged himself because he was cold now. "How much is twelve times thirteen?" The twins gave a huge grin. Arthur face palmed, "Is it so hard to add twelve to one hundred and forty four?" The twins looked at each other.

"Pretty much."

* * *

**I don't own Vocaloid and MLP.**


	8. Vodka!

**Vodka!**

**Summary: Vodka, because no good story starts with ****_the time I had salad._**

* * *

"Hey, Alfred," Matthew said as he gave some coffee to Alfred and sat down on the couch. "What?!" Alfred groaned and grabbed the coffee. He still hasn't gotten over his headache. "Remember that party we went yesterday night?" Matthew smiled (more like smirked). "What party?" Alfred took a sip of the coffee angrily. "You know, that party, with drinks, mostly vodka, at Ivan's house?" Matthew looked at him. "I remember no party," Alfred slouched back down on the couch. Matthew chuckled, "Thought so." Alfred took another sip, "Mattie, no party." Matthew raised a brow, "Then how do explain your hangover?" Alfred tried to come up with an excuse, but said nothing. Matthew started to laugh, "You were so drunk. I'm not kidding." He started to clap like a retarded seal. "I'm sure I wasn't that drunk," Alfred laughed sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. Matthew stopped laughing, "Dude, you made a bet with Ivan. Whoever passed out first lost." Alfred gasped, "Oh, no. How bad was it?" He covered his face if with his hand. Matthew started to laugh again, "F-First, y-you started la-laughing wi-with I-Ivan."

* * *

Matthew looked at his phone to make you it was on voice record. He could look at Alfred and see that he was already drunk with Ivan. He started walking towards his brother. Once he was in front of Alfred and Ivan, Matthew hit record.

"Hey, Al-"

Alfred started to laugh uncontrollably. Matthew looked confused. "Al?" He asked, but Alfred only laughed. This time, Ivan had joined him. "A-" Matthew tried asking when the two men stopped laughing, only for them to start laughing again. "I'm… I'm so-sorry," Alfred laughed. "It's just… you're so funny," Alfred almost couldn't breathe. "But Al-" Alfred laughed even louder. "Oh my God, do you hear this guy?" Alfred asked Ivan and pointed at Matthew. Ivan just laughed and said something in Russian.

Matthew didn't laugh once. He decided to walk away. "I feel so insulted," He said and turned the recording off.

* * *

"Not the best moment in my life," Matthew shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mat," Alfred said and took a sip of the coffee. "But that was it, I only laughed?" Alfred looked at him. Matthew chuckled, "Nope, you loved every one, Alfred."

* * *

Matthew was sitting next to Alfred. He had stopped laughing a while ago and now he was just taking shots of vodka. Matthew wasn't looking at him. He didn't want to be tempted into drinking vodka and end up like Alfred.

Alfred hugged Matthew suddenly. "I love you, man," Alfred snuggled against Matthew. "You're making me uncomfortable," Matthew whispered loud enough for Alfred to hear him. Alfred let go of him, but still kept an arm around his shoulder. "I love you, too, Ivan!" He pointed at Ivan. Ivan just laughed. Matthew decided to take his phone out and videotape Alfred. "I love you!" Alfred pointed at Arthur. Arthur looked at him weirdly. Matthew mouthed that Alfred was drunk. Arthur nodded in understanding and took another shot of whisky. "I love you, too!" Alfred yelled at Francis, and Francis had blown him a kiss. Alfred laughed. He kept yelling it at random people; Kiku, Elizabeta, Natalya, Im Yong Soo, Yao, Ludwig, Antonio, etc. Matthew just mouthed that he was drunk.

* * *

"Do they know I don't mean it?" Alfred looked at Matthew hopefully. "I bet they don't remember. I wish you'd remember the faces they gave you," Matthew laughed. "Is it over?" Alfred asked, scared for what Matthew would say. Matthew laughed.

* * *

Alfred laughed, but that slowly turned into crying. "Why?!" Alfred hugged Matthew again. "Why what?" Matthew tried to breath. "Why doesn't McDonald's serve breakfast after 10:30 in the morning?" Alfred cried. "Are kidding me, Alfred?" Matthew glared at Alfred. "It's a serious question, Mat," Alfred sniffed. "Oh the cruelty in this world!" Alfred cried.

"You're not kidding," Arthur sat next to Alfred. "It's too cruel!" Arthur cried and hugged his knees. "Oh no…" Matthew whispered. He was glad he was still videotaping the scene.

A few minutes later…

"Why do they always leave?!" Arthur cried. "I don't know man," Alfred cried, too. Arthur was hugging his knees and Alfred was hugging Arthur. Both of them were trying to hold tears in, but failing miserably as Alfred's tear fell on Arthur's head and Arthur's tears fell on his knees. "My turtle, Snappy, ran away when I was six, but how?! He's a turtle!" Alfred cried sadly. Matthew was stuck between consoling his brother, or absolutely laughing out loud. In the end, he decided to just keep filming.

* * *

"I had a pet turtle named Snappy?" Alfred asked and took another sip of the coffee. "No, our class did. You had to take care of it, but forgot to feed it, so… yeah," Matthew nodded. "Now, I doubt I'm done," Alfred said. Matthew looked at him, "You have never been more right."

* * *

After the whole emotional drunk episode, Arthur had decided to chase (_hit_) people (_a person_) he didn't like (_Francis_) with the object on his left (_a lamp_), so Alfred was left drinking the vodka bottle Ivan had given at the beginning of the party. Alfred stopped drinking the bottle and gave it to Matthew. Then he smiled dementedly and said, "I need to call people." He stood up from the sofa and went to the dining room where he had last left his phone.

Matthew sat on the sit in front of Alfred and took out his phone again. He had a feeling something good was going to happen, and he needed to videotape it. Alfred marked the first number on his phone.

He was right. After a while, Alfred had called a bunch of people and started spilling his darkest secrets. Matthew chuckled on some of them. Alfred was lucky most of his contacts were in this party, and probably drunk out of their minds. Suddenly, Arthur appeared behind Alfred holding an empty bottle of vodka and with an angry face. With great force, he slammed the bottle on the dining table, breaking it into a million pieces. Alfred got the scare of his life. "Would you stop calling me already?!" Arthur screamed over the music. "It's super annoying, you worthless git!" He yelled before walking away. "Geez, what a drama queen," Alfred rubbed it all off. "Okay, time to call dad!" He yelled happily. "No!" Matthew yelled and started trying to get the Alfred's phone.

* * *

"Did I actually call dad?" Alfred asked, scared for his freedom. "I was able to take your phone away somehow," Matthew shrugged. "By the way, I didn't know you used to put mom's clothes on when you were little," He laughed. Alfred's face became red of embarrassment. "I-I-I-I," He tried to come up with an excuse. "Save it, Alfred," Matthew laughed loudly. "We're not done," He smiled. Alfred just frowned.

* * *

"Alfred, you can't call dad," Matthew said while he held Alfred's phone. Alfred pouted and crossed his arms. "He doesn't know we're here," Matthew explained. Alfred took a big gulped of his vodka. "It's okay, Mat. I could just buy another phone," Alfred smiled. "With what money?" Matthew frowned. "Oh little one, don't you know? I'm effing rich!" Alfred yelled and stood up. "Hey, peeps! Drinks are on me tonight!" He yelled, probably hoping the whole house heard him. Which it most likely did, everyone in the house started cheering. Matthew face palmed, "These drinks are already paid for."

* * *

"Do we have to pay those drinks?" Alfred asked and took a sink of the now cold coffee. "They are already paid for," Matthew groaned. "Are we almost done?" Alfred put the coffee on the table. "Almost," Matthew smirked.

* * *

Alfred sat back down when everyone stopped cheering. Matthew noticed his phone was still standing up and videotaping Alfred. Alfred looked at the person next to him. It was Antonio. "Hey, Antonio," Alfred slurred. "_¿Qué?_" Antonio turned around and looked at him. "_Tú, cara de burro_," Alfred slurred. Antonio gasped, "_Yo, ¿cara de burro? ¡Tú eres la cara de burro, cabrón!_" Antonio slammed his hands on the table and walked away.

"I think you just make enemies with Antonio," Matthew held up his phone to get Alfred's face. Alfred lazy laughed, "_Cara de burro_." He pointed at Antonio's vacant chair. Matthew gave him a confused look, "What?"

* * *

"You should have seen Toni's face," Matthew laughed. "I don't know what you two talked about, but it was insulting to him," Matthew calmed down. "That's it. I can't listen to it anymore," Alfred stood up rapidly, but fell right back down to the couch because he got dizzy. "What? Is Alfred F Jones scared?" Matthew gave him a look of pity. Alfred sent him a glare, "Alfred F Jones is never scared." Matthew nodded in understanding, "That would explain the next thing." Alfred's eyes widened, "What next thing?"

* * *

Alfred stood up on the table. Matthew decided that it was time to get away from that table. He started a new video. He didn't know what Alfred was planning to do, but he knew videotaping it would pay off.

Alfred put one on the side of his head and the other on the side of his hip. Alfred started to move his hips as people started to gather around him. It took every ounce of Matthew for him not to laugh at how ridiculous Alfred looked. Matthew had been able to keep it in, until Alfred started singing.

_"I'm on tonight  
You know my hips don't lie  
And I'm starting to feel it's right  
All the attraction, the tension  
Don't you see baby, this is perfection"_

Matthew started laughing uncontrollably. Still, he was trying to hold his phone up. Antonio apparently had forgotten about the whole incident five minutes ago and started to sing the Spanish lyrics in the song. This was so a night Matthew wasn't going to forget in a while. He didn't know if Alfred was trying to dance exotically, but it was incredibly hilarious. "I don't know why this doesn't surprise me," Matthew laughed. It surprised him that Alfred knew how to sing most of the song.

* * *

"I danced with Toni!?" Alfred yelled. "Ouch!" Alfred held his head. "Stupid headache," He growled. "Really closely, while people whistled you to go on," Matthew smirked, then laughed. "It was amazing!" Matthew laughed. "No, it wasn't!" Alfred blushed. "You seemed to enjoy it," Matthew smirked. "I was drunk!" Alfred pouted. "C'mon, we're almost done." Matthew chuckled. "Thank goodness," Alfred sighed.

* * *

Matthew saw a change in Alfred. "Maybe it's time to leave," Matthew whispered. Alfred was gulping that alcohol like it was a soda and dancing like there's no tomorrow and Matthew was starting to get a bad feeling about it. He started to move through the crowd until he was right in front of Alfred. "Alfred, let's leave," Matthew yelled. "Why?" Alfred said and the kept dancing. "You're drunk," Matthew frowned. "I'm perfectly fine, Mat!" Alfred laughed. "No, you're not!" Matthew argued back. "Don't be a party pooper, Mat!" Alfred lifted up his hands, "I'm alright, guys!" He started taking steps back. Alfred took one step to many and fell backwards.

Everyone was absolutely quiet until Antonio started laughing. Then everyone else laughed. "Ugh! Drunk people…" Matthew rolled his eyes. He started walking to the other side of the table and saw that Alfred had passed out. Matthew was grateful he was still filming. He stopped the video and decided to drag Alfred out of the party.

* * *

"While I was dragging you out the door, I saw that Ivan was asking for his next bottle, so… You lost the bet. I was going to take you to the hospital, but then remember we're underage. So I took you home and hoped you would wake up today. I dumped you in the couch and I went to sleep upstairs." Matthew finished the story. "That was the worst night ever," Alfred groaned. "Maybe if you didn't have that headache, you'll see the humour in it," Matthew shrugged. "And you know what the worst part is?" Matthew whispered. "What?" Alfred asked silently. "I got it all on camera," Matthew smirked; he couldn't seem to stop doing that today. "What?" Alfred asked surprisingly. "And-" Matthew was cut off. "_And? _Of course there's an _and_, there is always an _and_." Alfred covered his face with a cushion. "And tomorrow, all the people that were in the party will come to our house to see the footage. It's part of the bet," Matthew couldn't help but laugh. "Why did you take that footage?" Alfred asked with a sad face. "Because Ivan said he would pay 4760 Ruble. I don't know how much that is, but it sounds like a lot." Matthew laughed. "Aw, man!" Alfred said, completely distraught. "Hey, how come you didn't drink anything?" Alfred suddenly asked. "Because we went to a party, with underage drinking. And because no good story starts with _the time I had salad_." Matthew smiled. "I wanted to see it all happen," Matthew said. Alfred pouted.

Matthew stood up and decided to make more coffee for Alfred. "By the way, you now owe 600 dollars to Ivan," Matthew went to the kitchen. "Are you kidding me?" Alfred slammed to cushion on his face.

"Ouch! Stupid headache!"

* * *

**Accidental SpUs... Woops... Couldn't help myself... I can totally see them singing ****_My Hips Don't Lie _****by Shakira.**

**If you want translation, Google it...**


	9. Careful What You Say Around Your Kids

**Summary: Play time in preschool for Alfred and Matthew. Everything was pretty good... Until they say a bad word and blam it on their father.**

* * *

Alfred and Matthew were building a block tower. It was play time at their preschool and the two boys decided to hog all the wooden blocks and bite every kid that tries to get them. The teacher would scold them, but she knew it would be worthless.

"Come on, Alfred. You can do it!" Matthew encouraged Alfred as he put the block on the tower, making it taller than them. Alfred was balancing on his toes as tried to put the block on the tower. Everything was going dandy until Alfred lost his balance and fell on top of the tower. "Aw, fuck!" Both boys exclaimed in unison.

The teacher turned to them with a mad face, "First, you bite children. Then, you say mean words? That is it. Alfred and Matthew, go to the office!" Alfred stood up and dusted his clothes. "Why?" The boys said at the same time. "Dad says it all the time, why shouldn't we?" The boys started to sound creepy to the teacher.

The teacher grab their hand and told her assistant she was in charge. The teacher then dragged the twin boys to the principal's office. The two boys struggled to get free, and in the end the teacher just ended up with multiple bite marks oh her wrist.

"What brings you here?" The principal said to the teacher with no emotion. "Not the she-devil," Alfred whispered to Matthew. Matthew agreed and both boys gulped. "These two boys are misbehaving in my class." The teacher pushed the two boys to the principal. "Very well then," The principal sighed. "Boys, sit down," She then said with he most threatening voice. The twins, being scared out of their life, obliged. "I suggest you call their father. He might have something to do with their misbehaving," The teacher said and started walking away. "Tell the secretary to call him then," The principal scribbled some things in a piece of paper.

Everything was quiet for a second until the principal sighed, "What did you do this time? It's the third time this week you've called to my office, and it's Wednesday!" The boys felt no emotion being yelled at. "Well, first we took all the wooden blocks to ourselves. Kids wanted them, but we didn't want to give them to them, so we bit them." Matthew started explaining. "We were making a tower, but it fell. We said a word that was apparently bad," Alfred continued and shrugged. "Dad says that word all the time, so we thought it wasn't bad," He said innocently. "And what is that bad word?" The principal asked firmly. "Fuck!" Both boys replied cheerfully. The principal looked at them, "And your father says it all the time?" Both boys nodded and smiled creepily.

"Alfred?" The principal asked. Both boys looked at her. "Matthew?" She raised a brow. "Yeah?" Both boys answered. "Curse that twin advantage," She murmured under her breath. "I'm going to look through your files. Stay here," The principal stood up and left the office.

"Is that she-devil gone?" Alfred whispered to Matthew. "I think so," Matthew whispered back. The twins sighed and lean back on their chair. "I can't wait to get out of here," Alfred smiled. "Me neither," Matthew looked at him. "She's taking it easy on us. I wonder why," He whispered.

The door opened, and Alfred and Matthew stayed absolutely quiet. "Hello?" A familiar voice asked. A smile grew on the twins' faces and they turned around. "Daddy!" They said at the same time and ran up to him. "Hey there, you little rascals," Arthur hugged the two boys. "What did you do... This time?" Arthur rolled his eyes. "You'll see. What are you doing here so early?" Alfred grinned. "I was in the area when they called me. I came and they sent me to this room. Who am I supposed to talk to?" Arthur explained. "Satan," All the emotion in the boys' faces was drained. Arthur was about to said something when Satan entered the room.

"I still can't find the difference of you two ki-" The principal stopped talking when she saw Arthur. "Mr Kirkland, I didn't think you'd be here this early," She said calmly. "I was in the area," Arthur shrugged carelessly. The principal nodded, "Take a sit, Mr Kirkland. I believe you can tell me which of these two is which." Arthur looked at the two boys for a whole minute. Alfred and Matthew just closed their eyes and smiled at him. "I believe I can't," Arthur said defeatedly and took a sit. "Irresponsible father can't tell his children apart," The principal murmured and sat on her big chair on the other side of her big table right in front of the twins and their not-that-happy-he-is-there father.

Alfred and Matthew's smiles widened. They didn't really like to be confused with each other. But in the times when they get in trouble, it was their ultimate weapon. Well, that and blaming the people that look after them.

"I've called you here today because of the misbehavior of the twins throughout the week. They've let us to believe you have something to do with it," The principal looked at Arthur dead in the eye. Arthur stayed quiet, trying to comprehend what he had been told. "I assure you, miss. I do try to raise my kids as best as I can. If they misbehave, it is not because of me," He defended himself.

"Is that so?" The principal adjusted her glasses. Arthur nodded with pride. He can't be wrong. "Then why do they repeat a mean word that they say they got from you?" She asked Arthur, giving him a hard stare. Arthur looked at her with a confused expression. "A word you might have said once?" The principal raised a brow.

Arthur looked at the twins to see what they were doing. They were looking at each other. Alfred smiled at Matthew mischievously.

_WAIT!_

_They planned this!_

_Those mischievous little ras-_

"Mr Kirkland?"

Arthur snapped back to reality. He didn't see the twins secret high five. Arthur was about to speak when Alfred interrupted him. "Dad didn't say fuck just once. He says it all the time," Alfred said happily. "Like when he's in the kitchen and he burns something." Alfred gave an example. "And when Papa then kicks him out of the kitchen," Matthew gave another. "Or when he gets hurt while knitting." Alfred continued.

Arthur now saw where this was heading, and he didn't like it one bit. "Boys, I think you can stop now." He said embarrassedly, but his request fell on deaf ears. He looked at the principal and saw her raise a brow. This wasn't going to end well.

"Sometimes, he says it when he breaks something when he's cleaning," Matthew nodded. "Or when he's in the bedroom with Papa at night," Alfred said not so innocently. The comment made Arthur blush. "Also, whe-" Matthew wasn't able to finish.

"Okay, I think that's enough," The principal stood up. "You two boys are off the hook because this is clearly a case of bad parenting." She eyed Arthur, who was looking down in defeat and shame. Neither the principal nor Arthur saw the twins' secret cheer.

The principal walked to where Arthur was. "You, mister, better watch what you do or say in front of this innocent kids." She glared at him. She started walking away. "Innocent, my a-" Arthur shut his mouth when the principal looked at him, sending Alfred and Matthew into a fit of giggles. Arthur felt like he was in high school again. The principal went out of her office.

Arthur looked at his twins, "You two were right. That old hag really is the devil." The two nodded. "Now, I know what you two were up to. What'd you do it?" Arthur glared at them. "We wanted to blame someone for our misbehaviour, so we plan this," Alfred said and smiled. "How? Not even I can plan that," Arthur asked. "It's the twin mind," Alfred said slowly. Arthur raised a brow. "Yeah, I'm blaming it on the shows you watch," Arthur stood up.

"Are you going to take us home?" Alfred asked. "Home?" Arthur laughed. "School isn't over." He patted Alfred's head. "It is. It's a short day." Alfred informed him. "It is?" Matthew asked Alfred. "Yes, it is," Alfred gave him a look. "Oh, of course, it is!" Matthew smiled at his dad. "Most of the kids probably left while we were here," Alfred smiled. "Oh, okay then? Why didn't I receive an email about it?" Arthur said doubtfully. "The Internet is down, and I guess we forgot to tell you" Matthew said. "Makes sense," Arthur nodded. "But still-" Arthur looked at the faces of the toddlers. It was the look he couldn't resist. "Let's go," He sighed and started walking out of the office.

The twins looked at each other and smiled. "When will he learn?" Alfred asked his twin. "Hopefully not soon," Matthew laughed.

* * *

**Hey, I'm sorry for not uploading anything in a while. My laptop broke down. And all I gave is my iPad. I wrote a while ago, but I went to Dominican Republic. WiFi wasn't free on the fab hotel I stayed in...**

**Updates might take a while. I'm really sorry for that. It's just that I procrastinate and I have two other stories to work with and also a summer assignment for school...**


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